Hard Work Wins

Hard work wins.  You get out of life what you put into it.  You cannot control the outcome, but you are one hundred percent in control of the effort.  And before you complain about what somebody did to you or said to you, go to the nearest mirror, look at it and say, what could I have done to change the outcome?  And no matter how good you are, how hard you work, sooner or later, bad things are gonna happen to you.  How you deal with those bad things will tell your mother and me if we raised a man.  –Randolph Elder in Dear Father, Dear Son by Larry Elder

No Regrets

People who say, “I have no regrets,” are not telling the truth.  They should truthfully say either, “I avoid thinking about my regrets,” or, “I am content with the regrets I have chosen.”  Every choice made in life excludes the opportunity for another experience, given the limits of time and resources.  If I choose to go to the mountains this weekend, I cannot at the same time go to the beach.  While I may prefer the benefits of going to the mountains, I am still missing out on the benefits of going to the beach.  I may choose benefits of self employment, but I miss out on the opportunity to have the relative stability of being an employee of someone else.  I may choose the benefits of not marrying, but I miss out on the opportunity of experiencing the depth of committed relationships of a spouse and children in a cohesive family.  There is a price to be paid for every choice, an opportunity missed for every opportunity taken, a regret to be had for every regret avoided.  The best we can do is to choose our regrets wisely.  --Steven R. Hobbs

Tragedy and Regret

We ought not conflate the pain of tragedy with the suffering of regret. Pain is inevitable; suffering is gratuitous. Tragedy is the painful experience of acknowledging an unfortunate reality. Regret is the experience of acknowledging an unrealized opportunity that could have led to avoiding an unfortunate reality.  —Steven R. Hobbs

Difficult Families

“With difficult families, the therapist must be predictable enough to be relied on by the family, but not so predictable that he can be easily anticipated, thus he can bring about change. One must be predictable in one’s commitment to solving the family problem but unpredictable and inconsistent in moment-to-moment maneuvers.” --Jay Haley in Leaving Home: the Therapy of Disturbed Young People, pg. 276

Addicts Are

“Addicts are those who use compulsive, obsessive, and destructive behavior to escape pain. This expresses itself in two ways: those overwhelmed because they have been exposed to excessive pain and cannot cope healthfully, and those overwhelmed because they have been sheltered from sufficient pain and cannot cope healthfully.” —Steven R. Hobbs